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Whining. It s such a waste of time. It s also one of those things that feels good while you re doing it, but not afterwards. So is commiserating. If you re involved in this futile loop, it s time to get out.

What do I mean?

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Well, let s say there s something you must do you don t want to. This could be so many things de-cluttering the garage, writing a thank you note, going to the DVM to get your license renewed, taking that pile of clothes over to Goodwill, turning in your expense account report, or writing a performance review for an employee.

Each of these tasks I ve mentioned could take you an hour or two. If you talk about it, however, it could extend into infinity. If you re the whining type, you could call everyone you know and fuss about what you aren t doing, and each phone call could easily take an hour.

If you re the commiserating type the whiner knows they can go to, you could easily devote an hour to their whining, which would allow you not to do what you should be doing, and then go whine to someone else.

The payoff is the connection with people, and not having to do the nasty chore. We all like sympathy, emotional connection, empathy and understanding. After all, no one s going to argue with you that going to the DVM ranks right up there with a root canal.

There are procrastinators and then there are blackhole procrastinators. I have one friend who procrastinates on tasks he doesn t want to do, but he s generally happy about it all, and he doesn t call other people and complain. He also occupies himself keeping busy with things he likes to do, and there are many. He limits his ability to succeed by this habit, but it s somewhat contained and he doesn t bother other people with it too much.

Then there s Erin, who s a blackhole procrastinator. She sucks things into her negative energy. Get around it and you could disappear and come out in an alternate universe. In fact it IS an alternate universe. While she is putting off what she should be doing, she is gobbling up other people s time, and sucking away their positive emotions with her complaining.

Because this is a habit to her, her list of things that are too hard, awful, and unfair goes on forever. It s so long I know she s CAPABLE of being organized and efficient, because I would have to have a written list of all the things to complain about.

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Yes, I limit the time I m willing to listen to her complain. But as I prematurely terminate the phone call when I hear the laundry list of whines about to happen, I know she s got her hand on the dial ready to call the next person who will listen to her.

The thing is that complaining doesn t make a difference. Now, if you had a parent where complaining worked and got you out of doing things, smart child that you are, you developed the habit. It worked. You d have been dumb NOT to use it.

The thing though is that in the adult world, the things don t go away. Your parent isn t going to come along behind you and fix you the meal you don t fix, or go to your job on the day you don t feel like getting up, or put the oil in your car. The necessary things that don t get done just won t get done, and then you have newer and usually bigger problems. You eat junk food and gain weight. You lose your job. Instead of needing to put oil in your car, you need a new engine.

No one s ever told me, Gosh, I live to change dirty diapers. I can t wait to do it every day. In fact I think I ll put off potty-training this kid for another 6 months I enjoy it so much. And, hey, bring your kid over here too.

And what good does sympathy do? No one likes to do something like that. Are you kidding? So you could talk about this, or you could do what needs doing and use that time to go do something you DO like doing. And keep the respect of your friends.

The whining and the complaining don t change anything except you. It drags you down, it drags out the chore (which usually could be accomplished in the time you took complaining about it), it drags others down and trust me, won t make you popular, except with other complainers, and then you WILL be living in your own little hell.

The payoff is the emotional connection sharing with other people. That being the case, why not turn it around? Allow yourself to complain AFTER the task is done. Call me after you ve scraped the barnacles off the boat for another year, and I ll agree it was awful. But I ll also respect you, and think what a guy! And you ll feel good about yourself as well.

Not whining is like forgiving someone who s done you wrong. You do it for yourself for you, and only you. If you re a whiner, you won t respect yourself. How could you? You listen to whining and negative thoughts all day long and watch your problems get worse because of your neglect. You listen to someone (you) who thinks they are hopeless and helpless, put upon, and incapable of handling things.

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You will also greatly magnify the complexity of the task, and reinforce how awful it is. How long can 15 minutes of this or that be? But if you focus on it, you re also practicing how awful it is, reinforcing feeling negative about it, and then you ll have to make it come true, because we listen to ourselves!

Get it done cheerfully, quickly and well and you ll feel super about yourself. For precisely the same reason it WAS difficult. But you did it!

About the Author

Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . I coach around emotional intelligence for success, relationships, transitions, career, resilience, leadership, energy. Internet courses, ebooks. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine.

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Formerly titled "When Should An Artist NOT Sign His Work".

I was faced with this question some years ago.

Allow me to back up for just a minute. Years ago, I bought one of Zig Ziglar's books on how to raise positive kids. I first bought this book because, like many fathers, I wanted to know how to raise and discipline my son when the time came. Little did I know that this book didn't deal so much with the actions of the son, but more with the actions of the parents! It wasn't long before I started exercising certain techniques in that book, and noticed they were actually molding my son right before my eyes.

My son was not into drugs, didn't stay out all night and really never gave his mother and I any problems. Oh did I mention that my son was only 5 years old at the time? What you are about to read might surprise you, but I feel that it very well could inspire some of you as parents, not to mention some of your children.

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Because my son was an only child, he learned to pacify himself by either watching TV or doodling on paper. We made sure he had all the favorite cartoon movies children liked to watch. It wasn't long before we noticed that our son would watch TV for only a short time before he would go find his toys, which were the small characters in his movies. He would place these toys in front of him with crayon and paper close by, and continue to watch the movies while slowly trying to draw the characters.

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One of the techniques that Zig Ziglar mentioned in this book -- I'll have to be honest here, its the only technique that really stood out in my mind; I can't remember the others, but I still have that book -- was to praise the child. But wait! It was to praise the child to other adults in such a way that the child just happened to be within hearing range. It's one thing to receive praise yourself, but to overhear your parents bragging on you to people on the phone or in the other room -- it seems to have a far greater impact. I think we all can relate to that, even as adults.

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Back to the title of this little story. "When should an Artist NOT sign his work?" My answer is when he's only 7 years old, and his handwriting is larger than the picture he just finished. See, as we continued to praise Kyle for his artwork, it wasn't long before he was calling himself an Artist, (he believed it with his whole heart) because he overheard us call him that to others. I had already taught him to sign his artwork, because all Artists signed their work.

We had pictures of Darkwing Duck, and every cartoon super hero, pasted all over our refrigerator door. Then something happened. I particularly noticed one picture he drew with a pencil (not a crayon) before he signed it. The picture was of " Pinocchio," and he drew it while looking at the cover of one of his movies. I instantly fell in love with it and didn't want him to ruin it by signing it. (Remember, his handwriting hadn't had as much practice as his art ).

So, I asked him if I could have that picture. With a big smile on his face he saw that I really liked that one, so he gave it to me. I immediately placed it in a folder that I used for work.

Kyle knew that I carried that folder to work every day. He would often ask to see that picture and it would always be within arm's reach of where I was sitting. Over the years, I would constantly be looking at that picture when he was in the room. As a matter of fact, I recently decided to scan that picture and put it on the Internet for even you to see. I never got around to having it framed and matted -- I guess I must have known I'd be using it!

Why did I put it on the Internet? Because I still want him to know how much that picture means to me.

One other thing I forgot to mention. He's now 18 years old. He's never let a day go by without drawing something. He began drawing what I always wanted him to draw, "pencil portraits" and back when he was only 14 years old.

One of his first pencil portraits was during the Presidential debate between Al Gore and George W. Bush. Kyle came home from school with a brochure he got during class as they were discussing the debate. He sat down and drew a very good likeness of what would later become the President of the United States. You can see the drawing of George W. Bush on Kyle's website....http://www.kylehilton.com

Many parents have shared with us how they've showed their young children -- Kyle's website, to help further inspire their own children's talents. Please feel free to drop Kyle a note in care of my email address : thomas@ailspromotions.com and I'll see that he gets every email commenting on his artwork. We welcome all comments because, yes we were able to raise such a positive kid and we still continue to find ways to let him know it.

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We do encourage you to pass this article on to anyone you know that could use an inspiration and we encourage you to praise your children at such an early age. You'll be surprised at just what can be accomplished from a child with a positive self image and positive parents as role models. Please visit http://www.write-ebooks.com to download this story along with the picture Kyle drew at age 6 or 7 and two others he drew at age 14 -- all in an ebook format.

About the Author

Thomas A. Hilton, Jr., entrepreneur, investor and proud father enjoys sharing his experiences and success stories in ebooks. Author of "Entrepreneur's Approach to Buying & Selling on Wall Street" - http://www.entrepreneurial-investor.com and helps to teach others to write ebooks at http://www.write-ebooks.com

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